myJOURNEY

I’ll be 60 years old in less that two years and I’m on the stage of self evaluation-wondering whether I’ve accomplished some good. (Is that what they call the “middle age syndrome?”  I’ve had that since age 40!)

So, I sat down one day and made a list of things I have accomplished in my 58 years of life. I have a long list of things big and small, special and trivial and I thought I have listed them all until the painting on my living room walls got my attention. They’ve been there for a long time. I brought them all the way from the Middle East to America. I hardly notice them anymore. But on that day, my eyes beheld them once again and the joy of being the creator of these pieces was revived in my heart. And so I decided that these paintings are part of my life accomplishments. They made the cut!

I painted  most of them on the early 90s while working as an engineer in the Sultanate of Oman. I refer to these years as my “painting season” because that was the only time I produced a significant number of paintings.

My engagement with the art started when my wife and I saw a painting exhibit at Al Bustan Palace Hotel in Muscat Oman.

Looking at the painting exhibits, I told myself and my wife. “If these paintings are good enough for an exhibit like this, I think I can paint too and be an exhibitor.” Although I had never painted before, I thought I could, so I gathered all my painting materials and started painting during my spare time. Sometimes, I’d paint in the middle of the night when I was inspired. 

The following year, my paintings were among the featured items at the art exhibit. 

It was a great feeling to have the work of my hands–my master pieces if you will, displayed at the prestigious Al Bustan Palace Hotel. 

During the exhibit, an Arab art collector got interested in two of my paintings. We we’re almost done with a deal when my seven-year-old Gilda pulled me away and said “Dad, I don’t want you to sell your paintings.” She looked me straight in the eyes and I felt her serious urging. But then I asked “Why?” She didn’t say anything, instead I saw tears started welling from her eyes. Somehow, I felt her sentiment which I also had at the back of my mind. I wasn’t really serious with the idea of selling my paintings. I was just thrilled that someone  actually liked and was willing to buy them. We went back to the Arab collector and gently declined his offer to buy my paintings. When the buyer left, I gave my daughter a wink and she responded with the sweetest smile.

I’m glad I listened to Gilda. The paintings are now part of the family heirloom. Besides, they had become rare because after that, I did not touch my paint and my brush anymore for the next 18 years!

 

I only painted again in 2011 when I made a charcoal portrait of  Gilda’s one year old son Camden- my first grandchild. I found time to paint again while recuperating from cancer surgery. 

 

I also made one of Liam- Gilson’s son- a portrait in water color.

I wish to revive my painting passion. One day, maybe, when I retire, another painting season will come!

I don’t know about you, but It takes a little bit of hammering before I apply an important principle in my life. It’s not that I don’t understand it. It’s simply because I’m stubborn at times. 

Now, I will hammer down to you a very important life principle. I hope you get it and more importantly, you will apply it to your life. 

A CASE I N POINT

Now, I therefore resolve as it is hereby resolved that I will take time to PREPARE when facing a big task. So help me God!

From Personal Experience

“There’s going to be less gifts under the Christmas tree this year.” My wife announced to me and our children. 

We were not surprised by that announcement. We knew  that we were in a very tight financial situation that year. My wife had an injury that prevented her from working. And my salary as a pastor was only enough to pay the mortgage, food, gas and utilities. 

The insurance had twice denied her claims for the carpal tunnel injury and so we sought help from an injury lawyer. 

For the meantime she went back to school to become a nurse because her doctor told her that she must not work around computer anymore. The repetitive hand and finger motions in operating the computer were bad for her upper extremity nerves. She could no longer do her Autocad designing job for an architectural firm. She thought nursing would be a good second career. 

While a student she did not have any income. We prayed that her injury claims will be approved to fill up some gaps.

Christmas was fast approaching and our church was already planning for the programs for the season. My wife was directing a Christmas play. Usually she would prepare gifts for each child and distribute them after the pageant. But this time she was quite sad that she did not have enough money. So instead of Christmas bags with goodies, and some cash, she only managed envelopes with a greeting card and $10.00 for each of the twelve children.The $120.00 that she had was supposed to be for purchasing gifts for the family to be stashed under the Christmas tree. 
Few days after the church Christmas program, my wife received a call from the injury lawyer. He said” Mrs. Valenzuela, we won a $12,000.00 settlement for your job-related injury.” She was speechless. 

Then it dawned on her that the $120.00 she gave to the church children as gift was given back to her exactly a hundred fold-$12,000.00!

God answered our prayers more than what we thought and desired for. We cannot out give God!

Needless to say, our Christmas tree had a mountain of gifts.

More Thoughts on Giving

When we give:

Giving is near to God’s heart. It is His purpose for every believer to give and share. Jesus demonstrated the utmost sacrificial giving when He gave Himself to die on the cross that He may provide salvation to the lost world. 

“Daddy, you smell good!”Exclaimed my then five-year old daughter Gilary after smelling the freshly splashed cologne on my face. I stooped down to kiss her. Then she placed her tiny palms on my cologne-damp cheeks and chin then rubbed them on her face. “Now we smell the same Daddy,” she said quite proudly as she planted a kiss on my cheek. 

Quite literally and figuratively, whether we like it or not, or we are aware or not, we rub our scent and odor to the people close to us especially to our family. What kind of odor or scent do they get from you?

Children learn how to behave by the examples they see in us. Most parents are not aware that their children emulate their every action and reaction, their attitude and behavior. When I observe families with little children, I see their parents in them. (Continue reading pass the photos. You’re  just half way through.)

“Ewwe, Lolo you stink!” Exclaimed my four-year old granddaughter Lyla after smelling the slime of tilapia from my hands. 

Every now and then my grandchildren surprise me with a visit at my restaurant. On that day after her ballet lessons they dropped by. She ran to me for the usual kiss while my hands were still slimy from scaling and gutting the fish.

 That’s when she repelled herself before she could even plant a kiss on my cheek. She smelled foul odor and she didn’t like it on her tutu dress.

Unfortunately, our “behavioral odors” are not sensed by our olfactory system. Children cannot choose what we rub onto them. But “behavioral smell” can be rubbed onto others just as effectively as the pleasant cologne and foul fishy slime. Whether good or bad the behavior we display before our children are smeared unto them. Before long, “they smell” just like us.

A Sad Story

“Let’s go!” Says the angry voice of the mother who literally dragged her daughter’s hands to storm out of the restaurant. “But Mom, I’m hungry. I want to eat.”

The mother was very upset that the food she ordered over the phone wasn’t set on the table when they arrived at the restaurant. My server told them that it’s  the restaurant’s  policy not to bring out the food until the customers are seated and that we don’t want the food to get cold while waiting for them. That made her even more upset arguing that the very reason why she called was to make sure that their food would be ready when they came. She wasn’t pacified even after the server assured that their food will be served in few minutes.

So, out of the restaurant they went with the poor hungry girl crying and confused.

They were out of the door before I could talk to them and explain.

My heart sank, not because I lost a sale that day, but because I felt pity for the young girl. And I must admit, I was quite angry at what the mother did to her child more than what she did to me…waste our time and food and disrespected us. For me, such an action is tantamount to child abuse!

I felt deeply sorry for the girl who was given a strong dose of bad character teaching. By doing what she did, the mother rubbed onto her daughter  some unacceptable behavior: being impatient, unreasonable, unforgiving, disrespect to others, uncontrolled temper and anger. 

I wondered how often is the girl exposed to such unhealthy episodes. And if that’s the example her mother always shows, how much of her attitude had been learned by the daughter. I will not be surprised if she becomes just like her. And that’s very sad.



Nostalgia hit me hard lately. When our youngest daughter Gilary turned 21 this April, I finally realized that my wife and I are indeed finally empty nesters. Gone are the hectic days of school age kids. No more family dinners around the table, no more watching of curfew hours. No more driving to the dance and music lessons and attending recitals, plays and concerts. 

All three of them, Gilda, Gilson and Gilary are gone to their own nests and into their own lives. Gilda is loving her profession in the medical sales, Gilson is a nurse and Gilary is on her way to becoming a sociologist. 

Our parental roles have taken some major changes, and in some years to come,  not too long from now,  may even reverse. 

This made me reflect on the subject of Family. How did we fare as parents? Have we prepared our children for life? Have we sufficiently provided their needs?  What are my regrets if any?

As I reminisced the more than three decades of being a parent, my mind and my heart are flooded with great feelings of joy and a sense of accomplishment. Does that mean I did good as a father? I must have done something good for feeling this way. 



My family has grown from 5 to 12- three kids and five grand. Our children have found their places under the sun and somehow settled. They are disciplined, hardworking and very good at what they are doing. They fear the Lord. They contribute to the society. They are fun-loving, pleasant people, well-liked and loved by many. 

The challenges of being a parent were numerous and overwhelming.  My initial feelings of fear and inadequacy drove me to my knees. All I know is my wife and I partnered with God in raising our three children. We could have not made it succesfully on our own. God has guided and taught us to be parents all along. 

Regrets?

“I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention”. Well, I will mention them anyway. Consider the following and be my judge. 

The first one is the most common among fathers. I wish I spent more time with my kids when they were little. I was so busy with career and work that my attention was so divided, oftentimes in favor of the former. Before I knew it, they were bound to college and they were kids no more and that was the start of them leaving our nest.

I would have never realized it, but my daughter Gilary brought this to my attention. “Daddy, I wish I grew up with our cousins. I feel like I’ve missed a lot of my growing years not having known my relatives.” Gilary cried a lot after having spent one month vacation in the Philippines. She was barely getting to know her cousins when she had to leave again. 

Well, that’s something that our family had to deal with and sacrifice. We were OFWs (Overseas Foreign Workers) in the Middle East,  then migrants to the US, so our children were raised away from blood relatives. 

The biggest regret we had was one of gross neglect. What a shame on us for not teaching and requiring our children to speak Tagalog. Although they can understand it to some extent, they cannot speak it. For this, we were blamed by our children, especially when an American missionary came to visit and spoke fluent Tagalog. 

I am in the season of my life where the memories of the past are the main sources of joy and inspiration; where the lessons learned from mistakes and shortcomings are shared to the next generation that they may not repeat the same. 

I hope and pray that my mind will stay healthy and alert that I will continue to draw strength and inspiration from my rich experiences in the past. I will be more specific on this wish. I pray that I will not suffer from dementia or any form of memory loss that I may continue to relish and reflect on the joy of being a family man! Amen.

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In my next blog, I will share some do’s and don’ts of parenting based on my experiences. 

 We can glean from the experiences of successful people.  Fortunately, they’ve shared their success formula through their sayings which became familiar to many of us. 

For this blog edition, I’ve selected some of the most popular quotations from famous individuals. Let us all learn from their wise sayings. 

Later, you will find my own take on the subject. I don’t assume to have been successful- that would be too presumptuous of me! I simply coined those words as my guidelines for reaching the goals I’ve  set for myself. If you find them useful, go ahead and use them too. 

“Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love what you are doing or learning to do”.  Pele- Athlete

“There is no secret to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failures”. Colin Powell-Statesman

“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is doing, not getting, in the trying , not triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.” Zig Ziglar-Author

“Action is the foundational key to all success.” Pablo Picasso-Painter

“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure which is : Try to please everybody.” Herbert B. Swope-Journalist

“The only source of knowledge is experience.” Albert Einstein-Scientist

“Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value.”  Albert Einstein- Scientist

“Success is not final: failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill-Statesman

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill- Statesman

“The best revenge is massive success.” Frank Sinatra-Musician 

Now allow me to share my thoughts on SUCCESS.

 

May I encourage you to share with me your wise sayings on SUCCESS. If it’s originally yours and catches the attention of my critic team, I might icnlude that in my up-coming book- with your permission of course.  Please Email me at gilvalenzuela@icloud.com

Be SUCCESSFUL in your own right, in your own terms!!!!

It was March 2016 when I was introduced to the world of blogging. My journey in this modern writing platform had been nothing but exciting and fulfilling.  I consider it a “mission accomplished”  to be able to  write my life story for my children, grandchildren and my entire family’s future reference.  

To know that the memories of my life had been preserved is a great reward. The reward was multiplied when thousands of people around the world scattered in more than 40 countries enjoyed reading my story. I am truly amazed by the power of the social media. I am fortunate to have lived in the era of advanced communication technology.

I am still digging the past especially the period of my adolescence to the age of 18. That will be told in due time.

myJOURNEY is not just a story of my past. It had become a journal of my current life. It also became a vehicle for my other literary works such as my poetry and the aphoristic sayings that I so love to write. 

For this anniversary edition, I’d like to feature some of my favorite poetry and sayings. Thank you all very much from the bottom of my heart for joining myJOURNEY! 

Praying Together & for Each Other

I believe that I’m alive today because my cancer was detected early. Thanks to my wife who prodded me to undergo colonoscopy where a second stage cancerous mass was found. 

The case was not the same with my friend whose colon cancer was at the third stage when it was found out. It had metastasized in the liver and eventually spread to the lungs and brain. Extensive treatment which include surgery followed by the combination of chemo and radiation did not work. He was gone in eight months. 

Medical textbooks say that every men when they reached the age of 50 must have their colonoscopy done. And for those who have history of cancer in the family, colonoscopy procedure is recommended earlier- at the age forty of even younger. 

Colonoscopy is a medical test that allows the doctor to look at the inner lining of the large intestine (rectum and colon). The procedure uses a thin, flexible tube called colonoscope. It helps to find ulcers, colon polyps, tumors, and areas of inflammation and bleeding. When polyps are found during the test, the doctors would remove them right there and then.

The test only takes fifteen minutes but the more dreaded part is the preparation which is done a day before the procedure. You need to clean out (empty) your colon because any residue may obscure the view of the lining during exam.

In my case, my doctor told me not to eat after midnight the night before the exam. I was told to use an over the counter enema kit the night before the exam to empty my colon. I had to finish drinking the one liter concoction and had be close to the bathroom the entire time. 

The next day at the colonoscopy clinic, I was sedated. They did the procedure while I was unconscious. When I woke up, I received one of the most disturbing news of my life. 

“Mr. Valenzuela, I found a mass in your colon. From the looks of it, it might be malignant. But I really don’t know for sure at this point. I took a sample and I will send it for biopsy. I will call you when the results are back.”

After a few days, I got a call from the doctor. “Mr. Valenzuela, you have colon cancer. You need to see a specialist.” 

It took me three months to decide to have the surgery. First, I looked for alternative treatment and asked for second opinion. Every doctor I talked to thought that surgical removal of the mass is my best option and I have to decide soon before the cancer spreads. 

The surgery took many hours to complete and I lost a lot of blood. Seven units of blood were needed to put my number to a normal range. 

That was almost six years ago! I thank God for providing me a second chance to life!

I would like to encourage all my friends reading this blog who are 50 or older to consider having colonoscopy. Don’t wait until symptoms appear. 

This simple procedure can save your life too!

Yesterday, I made a comment on a picture on Facebook. Nancy & Glenn Elwood, our dear friends from Kentucky were celebrating their anniversary and this is what I wrote on Nancy’s timeline:

“Stay sweet, stay strong.

The road ahead is long.

Trust the Lord all along.” 

This dedication has triggered an avalanche of words about anniversary greetings. I was simply inspired to write especially that my wife and I just celebrated our 33 years anniversary.

 I sat down and penned the following greetings in half an hour. Please feel free to use them. I’ll be honored if you do. I simply request that you don’t forget to acknowledge the author…your friend Gil Valenzuela.

A wife to her husband :

“I loved you and I love you still,

even if your hair becomes grey and thin.

Or nothing there is left but the shiny skin.”

A  husband to his wife

“Through the years your eyes still glow.The sparks really show.Your beauty within and without are your best assets, I fell about.I love you Dear!”

 

Husband and wife  to each other

“Yesterday it’s just you and me. We’re happy as can be. 

Today, it’s us, our kids and grandkids!Look how many now are we! 

Tomorrow,We may not be around. But gee! we’ve contributed some good to humankind!”

From a family member or a friend to the couple celebrating their anniversary.

“Your life together glows like a candle in the dark. Leaving in our hearts a very special mark.Your marriage is a champion that deserves every couple’s emulation”.

From a husband to his wife and vice versa

“As the years go bymy love for you is sky high.I still have the cloud-nine experience as we kiss and hold hands!”

From a husband to his wife

Through  the years, I thought I knew you enough.

Yet I still discover a diamond on the rough.You never cease to amaze mewith your graceful, wonderful act of  

kindness,

tenderness, 

silliness,

and 

loveliness. 

I won’t stop loving and discovering you my dear!”


Would you give me a shout out if you like these greetings!

God bless us all. May we all have more anniversaries to celebrate!



Pride is deadly

God says: “I am the only way, come follow me.”

That prideful person says: “Excuse me? I know other ways, and the best was made by me!”

Envy is deadly

Looking at his neighbor while riding his lawn mower he said; I want that house, I want that car, I want a greener lawn. The riding mower struck a tree. It overturned and underneath was he!

Anger is deadly 

Murder and homicide are done out of anger.

“I felt the knife in my hands and she laughed no more.” Says Delilah’s jealous, angry  and murderous lover. 

Gluttony is deadly 

“Super size this, double that, extra toppings, three servings of that, and one more doughnut”. All the added calories, sugar, carbs and fat make the liver and pancreas work really hard. Result; hypertension, diabetes, overweight, high cholesterol, arthritis and gout; All kinds of chronic illnesses sprout, because people eat their hearts out.

Lust is deadly

If you are a one woman man-no extra marital affair, and no pornography, you sure will be happy and so is your wifey and the whole family. But if you are a cheater, you better beware, you’d kill her heart, you’d hurt her soul, you’d hurt your kids, and before you know it they become estranged and she’d love you no more.

Greed is deadly

When money and material things become the focus of your life, no time for spiritual things, just things and things and stuff, real happiness is absent and joy is never felt. Instead you feel remised for material things are all there is. 

Sloth is deadly 

both flesh and spirit.

You don’t work; You don’t eat.

You don’t pray; You don’t breathe.