SURVIVAL Pt. 1

SURVIVAL was the name of the game I had to play very well after I had been admitted to the university.  With no money in hand, I entered a commitment that seemed impossible to accomplish for a seventeen year-old neophyte.

Feeling very excited to share the good news to my family, I rode a Baliwag Transit to go home to Cabanatuan. However, I was overwhelmed with strong, mixed emotions.

I was very excited and yet very afraid.

I had hope on one hand and doubt on the other.

My will to go on was very strong but I felt too weak and helpless to continue.

The needs ahead of me were great and many.  I needed a place to stay. I needed money for food, books, school supplies, drawing instruments, a scientific calculator, bus fare, allowance etc. These were the road blocks that seemed insurmountable for a poor and helpless boy like me.   A part of me just wanted to resign and give up but the will to persevere became stronger.  Again my mind was singing:  Alam kong may magagawa ang Diyos. (I know the Lord will have his way for me.) I knew another miracle would come to pass because God is good to me. And I began humming my toddler Sunday school song:

God is good to me. God is good to me.

He holds my hands and let me stand.  

God is good to me!

Then my hopes rose up again!!!

My wide beaming smile was still there when I came home. Mother wondered where I’d been the whole day.  “Anak, saan ka galing?  Hinihintay kitang samahan ako sa bukid para igayak ang pataniman natin ng palay sa isang lingo”.  (Where have you been?  I was waiting for you to go with me to the rice farm to prepare for next weeks rice planting.)

“Inang, hindi po ako magtatrabho sa bukid at hindi rin po ako matatrabaho sa construction. Nag-enroll na po ako sa college at natanggap na po ako sa CLSU,” I replied.  (Mother, I won’t work in the farm nor in the construction.  I’ve already enrolled for college and I got admitted in CLSU.) Mother thought I was day dreaming again as I always did.  “Ha?”, Mother exclaimed.  “Paanong nangyari yon?  Nangangarap ka na naman”. (What? How did that happen?  You’re dreaming again.) We sat down and told her the whole drama of my CLSU admission.

With tears in both our eyes, we embraced. It was then she said this piece, which I had heard many times before, but with a warning in her voice: “Pero anak, may sasabihin uli ako sa iyo.  Hiningi kita sa Diyos at ipinanata ko na ikaw ay magiging pastor.”  (But, son, I have something to tell you again. I asked you from God and I made a vow that you will be a pastor.) To which I answered,  “Inang, mahal ko po ang Diyos at marami pang paraan para ako makapaglingkod sa Kaniya.” (Mother, I love the Lord and there are many other ways I could serve Him.)

 I saw fear in her eyes.

“Tatanungin ko sina Engr. Sevilla kung matutulungan ka sa iyong titirahan.  Alam ko meron silang kamag-anak sa Munoz.”  (I will inquire from Engr. Sevilla if they could help you with your housing, I know they have relatives in Munoz.  Mother proposed.) The Sevillas were the benevolent family who took me in so I could finish my evening high school classes. I was their houseboy and mother was the laundrywoman.

“Oo mayroong paupahan ang mga kapatid ko sa Bagong Sikat at ang kapatid kong si Ely ay graduate ng Agricultural Engineering sa CLSU.”  (Oh yes! My siblings have a rental house in Bagong Sikat and my brother Ely is a graduate of Agricultural Engineering from CLSU),  Mrs. Sevilla excitedly told us. “Baka merong umuupa ngayon pero subukan natin baka may bed space para sa iyo.” (There might be people renting the place right now but we will try if maybe there’s a bed space for you.)  My mouth opened wide as I heard this possibility.  Another miracle?

Bagong Sikat is the neighboring community just northwest of CLSU and it is walking distance from the campus…a perfect outside housing location for CLSU students.  With a short note from the Sevillas, I went to meet the Ruiz family in Bagong Sikat. The God-fearing benevolent family gave me not just a bed space but my own private room in their rented house!  FREE!!!  Of course with the kind accommodation of the renter family, headed by whom I called Kuya Boy.

Housing need? Check!!!!

Food, books, school supplies, clothes, shoes, bus fare, allowance?  No check!!! But…. should I worry about those?

I learned later that the certain Ely was Dr. Eliseo Ruiz,  magna cum laude graduate of Agricultural Engineering and later became the president of CLSU.  He was the editor-in-chief of the CLSU Collegian during his days.  God was setting me up for some good connections early on.  When I started my agricultural engineering studies I had Dr. Ruiz as one of my models.

Inang sent me off to school with heavy luggage.  Kuya Freddie, my brother-in-law who was supposed to hire me in his construction business gave me fifty pesos ($6.25 at that time).  He pledged to give me fifty pesos every week!  There was rice, dry pork adobo (cooked a bit saltier than usual so that it will last longer even without refrigeration), tuyo (dried fish), tinapa (smoked fish), some vegetables, few packets of sky flakes and a can of Milo chocolate drink.  What made the luggage heavy were the cooking utensils. I cooked my own food and carefully budgeted what I had so they would last longer.

I felt like floating on air walking to my first class.  I felt good and grateful for the opportunity I had before me. There was so much hope and anticipation in the air. I said a prayer of gratitude.  Thank you Lord!  I groomed myself wearing a clean white shirt and bell-bottomed pants with a flair in the back.  My hair which normally stood up (turo) was neatly polished down with Beatles pomade.  I did not notice the four kilometer walk along the dusty, stony road from Bagong Sikat to College of Arts and Sciences, although ifc12050001t made my elevated leather shoes dirty and scratched .  I did not know anyone, but I did not feel like a stranger.  I felt I belonged there. I walked pass the men’s dorm and dreamed to live there some day with other students.  I passed by the statue of Dr. Jose Rizal right by the registrar’s office and across from the cafeteria.  I made a salute to the national hero as I remembered his word about the youth: Ang kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan.  The youth is the hope of the nation. It made me more determined. I had a responsibility not just to myself but to the society who was g19540466iving me this chance of having an education. I heard the bells from the water tower ring so loud as I passed by it, signaling  me to walk faster lest I be late for my first class.

I handed my class card to Prof Flor Amor Monta.  Everyone knew I was a new student because all of them had given their class cards more than a month ago.  The prof asked me to introduce myself.  Should I make a flash? Should I make an impression? I stood up, flashed a big smile, and humbly introduced myself.  “Hi everyone, my name is Gil Valenzuela. I am with the Study Now Pay Later Plan. You know I’m  enrolled late, so I need your help.”  At the end of class, many approached me and offered to share their books and notes. In all other classes, my classmates graciously offered help.  This solved my problem with books!

Saturday came and I was excited to report to my ROTC drill class.  I reported in my civilian clothes while everyone was sharp in their military uniform.  I was told that I should order my uniform as soon as possible.  “Yes sir!!!” I answered with a salute.  But I wondered, where in the world will I get the money for a new military uniform and boots which would cost hundreds of pesos?  I went home that weekend to attend church and see my family.  Everyone at church wished me well.  I told my Ate (Sister) Fely –whose husband was the construction guy–about my need for a military uniform.  “Mayroong lumamg uniform si Manggoy, titingnan ko baka pwedeng ibigay sa iyo.” Manggoy my brother has an old ROTC uniform.  I’ll see if he can give it to you.  He rushed out of the house and came back in no time.

Kuya Freddie excitedly handed me a paper bag containing the uniform and the boots. “O ayan sige isukat mo nga?” ” Here, will you fit them?”  I came out of the room looking like a clown.  Manggoy was a well-built man who stood five ten and probably weighed one hundred seventy pounds.  While I was small built, thin, stood five three and weighed one-hundred ten pounds.  I was crying and laughing at the same time. ” Hindi ako kasya, masyadong malaki!” (I don’t fit in it.  It’s too big.) Everybody in the house started laughing!! Mother quickly retorted,  “Walang problema diyan, pwede nating i-repair.” ( That’s not a big problem, we can repair it.)  Mother took my measurements and started the repair job that took her the whole night because she knew I needed to travel back to CLSU at five in the morning the following day. Her sewing ability saved the day for her only son, and I was so proud of her.

The repaired uniform looked good on me, it just needed a name badge.  But til_fullxfull-340673328he problem now was the military boots.  They were three or four sizes bigger than my size 7 feet.  And there’s nothing we could do about it!  But I had a plan: I would just double my socks and stuff the front with tissues. That’s the best solution. Who would
notice?
 But one day during a rest time from military drills, the guy next to me noticed something.  “Bakit ang laki yata ng sapatos mo?”  Why do your boots seem too big for you?  I seldom get annoyed by people, but this time I was.  I told him to shut up and mind his own business! But the truth was, the over sized military boots were very difficult to use. I had to be careful all the time or I would fall down on my face, which almost happened a number of times.

But I learned to balance with them as I was learning to balance my unbalanced life.  When would I get a new pair of marching boots?  I could only dream.


 

More stories of survival in my next blog. Stay tuned!

 

 

 

 

 

Against All Odds

“College education is not for poor people like us. I’m sorry son, you know I cannot send you to college,”  she tearfully said while hugging me tightly. I sobbed like a child!  I still remember everything she told me that night of my high school graduation. Mother was simply resigned to the idea of her only son pursuing education post high school. ” You are better off than all of your cousins.  None of them have been to high school, and you did very well!  You made me very proud when I pinned that silver medal on you and even prouder when you received the leadership award.  Anak, don’t despair– someday you will go to college,”  she said forcing a smile, trying to console me. “For the meantime you will help in the rice farm…….and you can also work for your brother-in-law in his construction projects.  He said you’re very good in grinding marble floors.” 

Apparently, those are the only options I had after graduating salutatorian from high school.

But somehow deep in my heart I was hoping for some kind of miracle that would turn the tide.  With God nothing is impossible,  I heard many times as a young boy.  I know the Lord will make a way for me,  went my favorite Sunday school hymn.  I believed those words….with all my heart.  And so I prayed for a miracle.  I knew it would happen…  As to how, I was clueless.

I worked as a houseboy during my senior year in high school.  A benevolent couple took me to their folds so that I could work during the day and continue high school at night.  A few weeks after graduating high school, I was completing my house chores and taking out the trash.  Sitting at the top of the trash bin was an old issue of the national newspaper. My eyes caught the front page news and it took my breath away.  The article read:  Study Now Pay Later, now available to top 25% of high school grads.  I smoothed the crumpled paper and devoured the details of the news.  This is it!  Now I can go to college!  I gasped.

The student loan program was available only to students pursuing a degree in the field of agricultural  science. And so that’s when I decided… an agricultural engineer. That’s what I will be!

As I pondered my future plans, apprehensions and doubts began formulating in my mind.

Central Luzon State University is known for its agricultural programs. This is where I will venture… but there are problems.  The semester is already one month underway; it might be too late. Will they still let me in?  I still don’t have the student loan approval and  I do not have money for the registration deposit. If ever I get admitted where will I stay?  Is there still a room for me in the dorms?

There was a huge mountain in front of me!  I had every reason to be discouraged, to cower and back out.

But I didn’t.

Brushing away all possible hindrances, I traveled to CLSU.   There’s no harm in trying.  This is your only chance. Go for it…bahala na ….I psyched myself. All I cared about at this point was to be admitted . And so I gathered all my registration documents: high school diploma, NCEE  (National College Entrance Examination)score, my silver medal for graduating as salutatorian, my gold medal leadership award, and of course the newspaper clipping announcing the government student loan program. Without the knowledge of anyone in my family, I set out for an adventure on my own.  Riding a Baliwag Transit bound to Munoz Nueva Ecija, where Central Luzon State University is located, I mentally prepared all the reasons why I was registering late, and why they should accept me anyway.

The receptionist at the Registrar’s office gave me a wondering look when I asked for a registration form. She did not give me a form “because enrollment already closed”  and she “thinks that all freshmen classes were already filled”.

“Can I please talk to the registrar?”  I asked.

“You have to make an appointment.  He’s attending a meeting right now and when he comes back he will only attend to his appointments…” said the receptionist, pointing to a log book in front of her.  “You may come back tomorrow, he has an opening at 10 AM.”

I almost cried after hearing these words.  I prayed and in my mind I sang.  Alam kong may magagawa ang Diyos.  (I know the Lord will have His way for me.)

Come back tomorrow?, I thought. If she only knew… The only money I have is just enough for my two-way bus ticket.  I do not even have extra money for lunch.  And if I stay the night, where? I do not know anyone in Munoz.  No! I need to talk to Registrar TODAY! 

I seated myself in the waiting lounge just outside the Registrar’s office just as they opened their doors for the day. Clutching a manila envelope containing all my documents, I nervously waited with the rest of the people who had appointments hoping to havsilver-medale at least a two-minute chance of talking to the registrar. My mind rehearsed a short dialogue.  Sir, my name is Gil Valenzuela.  I graduated salutatorian at Philippine Wesleyan College.  I have a very high score in NCEE and I am a recipient of Student Leadership award. (Show transcript,  medals, diploma and certificates).  My family is very poor and cannot afford to send me to college but I will be applying for the new student loan program “Study Now Pay Later”. (Show the newspaper clip).  Please let me register. I promise to be a good student here at CLSU.

Mr. Fermin was a stately gentleman.  There was a stern look about him but he had a beaming smile that was welcoming.  One by one, Mr. Fermin attended to his appointments. I patiently watched each appointment end, still clutching tightly to my envelope of credentials and awards. Every so often, I would peek my head into Mr. Fermin’s office, and each time he would briefly glance my way but he never acknowledged my presence. Towards the end of the day, he began ignoring my existence altogether. Before I knew it, I saw Mr. Fermin stand up and take his brief case, ready to go home.  The clock behind him read 5 PM.  The work day was over.  I quickly got up from my seat and rushed into his office uninvited.  “Sir please just give me two minutes of your time,” I begged.  He relented.  He put down his brief case and sat back down in
his chair, motioning me to sit down also.  I began my rehearsed dialogue while showing him my documents, but in the middle I started to choke up and tears rolled down my face.  I just couldn’t help it. ButI still managed to deliver my silver-medalpiece.  ml_leadershipaward_l113_thumb

He perused my documents and shook his head.

“Bata, may problema tayo.” (Young man, we have a problem.)

” Oo nga magaling kang estudyante, pero masyado ka nang late, mahihirapan kang humabol.”  (Yes, you might be a good student, but you are too late, you will have hard time catching up.)  

“At saka hindi ito ang kailangan ko, diyaryo ito eh.  Ang kailangan ko ay yung approval ng student loan mo galing sa Department of  Education.” (And this is not what I need, this is just a newspaper  (waving the news clip). What I need is the  approval of your student loan from the Department of Education and Culture.)

“At saka puno na ang mga klase ng freshmen.” (And also, all freshmen classes are all filled up.)

I couldn’t help but begin weeping when I heard Mr. Fermin enumerating all these problems.  He took a tissue from his desk and handed it to me. I wiped my tears and cleared my nose and started begging like a child.

“Sir, sige na po payagan ninyo na akong mag-enroll.  Ayaw ko pong matali sa bukid at magtrabho sa construction.  Gusto ko pong makapag-aral at maiahon ang Inang at mga kapatid ko sa kahirapan.”  (Sir, please allow me to register. I don’t want to get stuck in the rice field or work in the construction.  I want to get educated and raise my mother and siblings from poverty.)  

“E nasan bang mga magulang mo?” (Where are your parents?)  

“Ulila na po ako sa ama at ang Inang ko naman ay naglalabada para po kami makaraos.”  (I’m already fatherless and my mother is busy washing clothes for other people so we can survive.)  “Kaya sige na po papasukin ninyo na ako kahit saling pusa lang.”  (And so please let me in even as an observer.)

To which he laughed and chuckled saying: E ano ba ito?  Kindergarten? (And what do you think of this?  Kindergarten?)

I realized what I just said and I laugh with him too.

He looked at me and paused and finally said: “O sige papayagan kitang mag-enroll pero conditional lang.”  (Okey, I will let you register but only conditional.)

I couldn’t believe what I just heard. And I cried again. Now shedding more tears, but this time they were tears of joy!  I got up from my chair and rushed to him and gave him a hug saying, “Maraming salamat po sir.”  (Thank you very much sir.)

“Saan ka nga pala titira?” (And by the way, where will you live?), Mr. Fermin asked.  I ignored his question simply because I didn’t have an answer for it.  In my mind, that was not a big deal. God already removed a mountain.  Why would I worry about a small bump on the road.  All I knew is that God will provide.

I was conditionally enrolled pending the approval of my student loan.

I made it!

I got in!

I am now a college student!

I want to jump! I want to cartwheel!  I want to shout! I want to dance!  God answered my prayers!  He just performed a miracle! Praise the Lord!!!

As I left the Registrar’s office I felt my face beam smile from ear to ear. What just happened called for a celebration.  I counted my money from my pocket to check if I had some extra for a cold drink. Across the street from the registrar’s office was the student cafeteria.  I celebrated the event drinking  Mountain Dew!

 

 

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Checking An Item On My Bucket List

After being diagnosed with The Big C in 2011, I started making a list of things I wanted to do before I “kicked the bucket”.  I knew that most cancer patients survive up to two years after their diagnosis so I listed some things I could accomplish within that span of time.  One item on my list was to record a music CD.  I want my grandchildren to hear my voice.  This is the least I could do to introduce them to the old man when I’m gone,  I thought.  At that time my first grandson Camden was a year old and my second grandson Liam was only two months old.  Within three months of my illness, and in between doctor’s visits “myTRIBUTE” was recorded. That’s one check on my bucket list!

I got very depressed when I received the news about the cancer.  But I was determined not to allow depression take any moment of my remaining life away.  I sang and sang and I sang…and I sang the depression away!  Music proved to be therapeutic indeed.

The following is an excerpt of the essay I wrote on the back cover of my CD jacket:

“This music recording is an overflow of God’s blessings poured into my heart when the Lord touched me in a very special way while dealing with cancer.  These songs bring comfort, peace, strength, assurance, hope and answers to my many questions. Singing has become a healing balm to me. I sing all the time. I sing the moment I wake up. I sing when I’m glad as well as when I’m sad. I sing when I’m mad. I sing when I get frustrated. I sing in the kitchen, I sing in the shower. I sing in the car. I sing when I pray. I sing when I’m in pain. I sing aloud. I sing in silence. I burst into singing when I teach and preach.  Indeed:

I have a song that Jesus gave me. It was sent from heaven above;

There never was a sweeter melody.  ‘Tis a melody of love;

In my heart there rings a melody,  there rings melody with heaven’s harmony;

In  my heart there rings a melody;  There rings a melody of love.”

The next thing I wanted to do was write my life story.  I started working on it after my cancer surgery.

That was almost five years ago and I have been writing my story in a spiral notebook since.

Yes, I beat cancer!   I am healed!  I am a survivor!

God has been gracious in extending my life and I have more stories to write in my thick spiral notebook.

However, I discovered this paperless pad they call the notebook computer, and its power to share my story not only to my family but to the whole world. And so, on these virtual pages, I will share my life’s journey: my sorrows and joys, my challenges and victories, my pains and comforts, my failures and successes, my confessions and revelations.

Thank you for following this blog and welcome to “myJOURNEY“.

No! My goal in writing is not simply to check an item on my bucket list.  I have a bigger purpose than that.  If my story can encourage and inspire one soul, I will have met my goal.

 “Where do I begin to tell the story of how great a life can be?  Where do I start?”
Next topic: My college memoir. ( To my CLSU folks– this one’s for you.)
To be continued in my next blog post.
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